Sometimes I feel like an impostor.
Especially now, after finishing my first semester toward getting a Doctorate degree, I feel like I have done really well at faking being a musician. Similarly, when I’m hiking, I sometimes feel like I’m just pretending I don’t care about my aching feet and sore back – like my true place in the universe is sitting on a couch.
At some point in my path there was a disconnect with what I thought I was capable of and what, as it turned out, I was actually capable of. This disconnect, I think, resulted in the feeling of being an impostor.
I remember being a middle school band kid and thinking that maybe if I worked really hard, I would get to go to college for music. And somehow I ended up doing that for the better part of 7 years and three degree programs.
I remember thinking that if I tried really hard I could run one mile. Then one day I ended up hiking hundreds of miles and running over a thousand.
I can’t know what exactly happened between middle school and now because it happened so gradually. But I know one day I looked at my life and was surprised by what I found.
As it turns out, feeling like an impostor can actually be a good thing because I guess it means I exceeded my own expectations. It may feel like I’ve been faking it but I suppose that is just the disconnect between expectation and reality.
At least I hope so.
So here’s to feeling like an impostor. Hopefully I will still feel this way in another decade.